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Old 04-18-2020, 11:24 AM   #1
Dave W
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It's not all gloom and doom!

Just think about these witticisms:


-2019: Stay away from negative people. 2020: Stay away from positive people.


- The world has turned upside down. Old folks are sneaking out of the house, and their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors!


-You think it’s bad now? In 20 years our country will be run by people home-schooled by day drinkers…

- This virus has done what no woman had been able to do… cancel all sports, shut down all bars, and keep men at home!!!

- Do not call the police on suspicious people in your neighborhood! Those are your neighbors without makeup and hair extensions!

- Since we can’t eat out, now’s the perfect time to eat better, get fit, and stay healthy. We’re quarantined! Who are we trying to impress? We have snacks, we have sweatpants – I say we use them!

- Day 27 at home and the dog is looking at me like, “See? This is why I chew the furniture!”

- Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands???

- I never thought the comment “I wouldn’t touch him/her with a 6 foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!


- Me: "Alexa what’s the weather this weekend?"
Alexa: "It doesn’t matter–you’re not going anywhere."

- I swear my fridge just said “what the hell do you want now?”

- When this is over…what meeting do I attend first… Weight Watchers or AA?

- Quarantine has turned us into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We are told “no” if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about car rides.
 
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Old 04-18-2020, 12:53 PM   #2
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Nice
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Old 04-18-2020, 01:12 PM   #3
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Oh my! So funny! but sadly, everything you just wrote is so true! Thanks for giving me a smile and a hardy laugh.
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Old 04-18-2020, 04:18 PM   #4
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So how soon after homeschooling kids is over will teachers ask for a raise? Will they even wait until homeschooling is over?

Well my hair is getting long enough the dog clippers are looking better and better

Well has anyone else’s dog figured out that a face mask means that they are getting a walk?
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Old 04-18-2020, 04:20 PM   #5
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Just saw a news report that swat was called on the scene because a man was barricaded in a house. Isn’t that what we all are supposed to be doing?

The longer hair salons stay closed, the fewer people will have to be told to stay home.
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Old 04-18-2020, 04:52 PM   #6
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Thanks! This is the funniest bit I've heard in I don't know how long.
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Old 04-19-2020, 11:59 AM   #7
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Here a few more bon mots for your consideration.

Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.

I need to practice social distancing from the refrigerator.

Still haven't decided where to go for Easter --- The Living Room or The Bedroom.

Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

Homeschooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.

I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone.

This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog.... we laughed a lot.

Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.

My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.

Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat

I'm so excited --- it's time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?

I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda. I'm getting tired of Los Livingroom.

Classified Ad: Single woman with toilet paper seeks man with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.

Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year".... I'm offended.

Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under.

REMEMBER, NO STORM LASTS FOREVER. HOLD ON, BE BRAVE.
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Old 04-19-2020, 01:26 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Carl n Susan View Post
Here a few more bon mots for your consideration.


REMEMBER, NO STORM LASTS FOREVER. HOLD ON, BE BRAVE.

All worthy
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Old 04-21-2020, 08:59 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by jeffba View Post
So how soon after homeschooling kids is over will teachers ask for a raise? Will they even wait until homeschooling is over?

Well my hair is getting long enough the dog clippers are looking better and better

Well has anyone else’s dog figured out that a face mask means that they are getting a walk?
Schools are already getting additional funding and their not even open. Apparently, we are going to spend billions in improving the online educational resources, only to go back to traditional schooling next month.
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Old 04-21-2020, 10:23 PM   #10
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I am getting very good at procrastinating and putting honey dos off even longer. If I do it today - what can I spend time on tomorrow?
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Old 04-22-2020, 06:23 AM   #11
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MY INVERTER CAME IN!!!
Time to work on my solar project for boondocking (in the driveway lol).
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Old 04-24-2020, 10:26 AM   #12
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For those of you that need to celebrate something, here is today's National list;




National Pigs in a Blanket Day
National Arbor Day

National Hairball Day (yes, it really is)
National Teach Children to Save Day


Some important April 24th days in history :
Jane Fonda’s first workout video released 1982


Library of Congress Established 1809


The first soda fountain patented 1833












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Old 04-24-2020, 04:31 PM   #13
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The last item listed above is the most important!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 04-24-2020, 05:41 PM   #14
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Old 04-25-2020, 05:34 AM   #15
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The last item listed above is the most important!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by jeffba View Post

Gasp!! You actually don't adhere to Hanoi Jane's workout daily? OMG! the audacity
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Old 04-25-2020, 02:21 PM   #16
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What a refreshing post in a world that has been thrown upside down. I enjoyed the humor. I especially get a kick out of all the home schooling jokes as my two kids are Teachers. Teachers who have been drinking and kids being expelled along with under qualified teachers and teachers letting kids out early along with kids loosing their homework on the way to school.
Let’s hope this virus goes away and we go back to a bit more normal type of life.
Happy roads to you.

Tom Marty
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Old 04-25-2020, 04:23 PM   #17
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Abby Normal?
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Old 04-26-2020, 01:57 PM   #18
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After all the stupid things I’ve done in my life, if I die because I touched my face, I’ll be pissed.
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Old 04-28-2020, 09:39 AM   #19
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Thanks for all the good funnies. Actually I didn't realize they were funnies till I got down Dave's list to the one about the fridge...
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Old 04-29-2020, 04:33 AM   #20
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DW: Have I gotten fat during the pandemic shut down?
DH: It's not like you were skinny to begin with.

DH cause of death Covid-19
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